(If you're an agent, manager, or casting director visiting my website for the first time. I'm 26. I look 23 and I can play a highschooler if its 'Glee' but not if its the new '90210.')
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| I'm 26 and I would murder these donuts. |
In the year leading up to my 30th birthday,
everyone in their 30’s said the same thing, “Oh! You’re gonna love your 30’s.
You’re more comfortable in your own skin and you know more. They’ve been the
best years of my life!” Frankly, I always thought, ‘Well, that sounds like
something an old person would say.’ My favorites have been the 25-year-olds who would
say, “I can’t wait to turn 30! 30 is the new 21!” That sounds like something
someone with 5 amazing years left would say. Eh.
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| Barbie's just getting pregnant and she's like, 70. Also, this is weird. |
So, for a year, I thought I would take advantage of the time
I had left and I did a lot. I started a blog, I became a stand-up comedian, (debatable
title but its on my facebook page and website now, so I’m going with it) I did
a lot of karaoke, and I ate a lot of kale. I even attempted a Christmas album
(Look out X-mas 2013.) As the months dwindled down and we welcomed 2013, it was
as if I had been slapped in the face with my failures. I forgot I was ever
successful at anything and was convinced that if I hadn’t been impregnated
accidentally by now, I probably could not have children. I paid far too much
attention to the “Turning 30” facebook posts made by my internet friends.
Things like, “I’m so happy to be turning 30! I have an amazing career! I have
amazing children! I have an amazing marriage! I’ve been to several countries! I’m
on a juice cleanse! I booked a role on Criminal Minds! I was on the Price is
Right! I’m so blessed to be 30!” This was very depressing. I could not make any
of those statements. Never the less, I was determined to make 2013 and the year
I turned 30 the best ever. It was time
to make plans! Further my career! Think about how to fit a child around my
inevitable sitcom regular role (because I’m very cute and, despite what you’ve
heard, that’s all it takes to be successful in Hollywood) and maybe a 2nd
cat! And a wedding! When you’re almost 30
and with a guy who’ll do, you MUST get married! I needed to write more, book
comedy shows, take casting workshops, do agent showcases, lose 10 pounds! Network!
JUICE CLEANSE!!!!!
I had 2 months before
I was to turn 30, so this was a lot of pressure. So, I did what I always do
when faced with a lot of pressure… I took naps. I took A LOT of naps. I beat
myself up every time I napped. I beat myself up every time I didn’t make it to
yoga class. I beat myself up every time I ate a non-fibrous carb. I would beat
myself up every night I didn’t write. My last blog post says its part of a
Trilogy! I’ve got news for you, the other two parts don’t exist! I NEVER WROTE
THEM! I beat myself up every time I had a drink because “I didn’t deserve it.”
(I actually quit drinking for 30 days on January 1st…. Hardest 8 days of my life. “Oh, good idea,
Andrea. Put, yet another qualifier on your behavior to beat yourself up over.”)
I never wanted to go out because “I should be at home, writing or organizing
something or in a class or booking a show.” All in preparation for my 30’s! But,
I would just nap. Needless to say, I sleep in the face of self-induced pressure
and I was not very much fun to be around. I would express these feelings to
people and they would say, “But you’re following your dreams! And that’s
amazing!” It’s hard to feel good about life when you’re day job is to ensure
David Caruso gets his ketchup and you know Tim Roth's wife likes her decaf black. I know people getting Doctorates for goodness
sake! As the days until my birthday grew fewer, even the pressure to celebrate
it began to overwhelm me. “Are you going to have a party?!?” Friends would ask.
I would respond with whimpers and “maybe a brunch or something?” (For the
record, I never had that brunch. It was just too, too much.) I decided on a
birthday trip to Vegas with my boyfriend because truthfully, it meant that I
would be out of town and I wouldn’t have to put some sort of event together. (And
I LOVE planning events and even more, I love celebrating me.) It was clear. I
was having a really hard time turning 30.
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| A shot of me turning 30 in Vegas. |
Hey. Guess where is a terrible place to go when you’re
unhappy with life and you’re turning an age you don’t want to turn? Vegas. That’s
where. My best advice regarding Vegas is: Try to keep your eyes closed during
the day time. That shit’s sad. The final two days before my birthday were spent
losing money gambling and drinking drinks that were gross at the Hard Rock.
(The Hard Rock might win my award for douchiest place on the planet. I did not
have a bartender without a Mohawk.) This was not going to work. I was not going
down without a fight. I awoke on the morning of my birthday and made the decision
to be happy about it. That day, I was going to do exactly what I wanted to do
and I was going to enjoy it. I saw sharks, I saw original Warhol paintings, I
had a Filet, I had a super snooty Hipster cocktail called ‘Remember the Maine,’
I got not one, but two souvenir Tiki glasses, had DONUTS, and I spent that evening with
some of the most important people in my life. One of which, included my future
(at some point) brother-in-law who said something, drunkenly to me that I will
probably never forget. He said, “Your life. Your life out there in LA. Its
pretty good. Like, really good. It’s a good little life. We think about our
visit there with you and it was so fun to live that good life with you for 3
days. You gotta sweet life.” (A rough
recollection but its close and it was so sincere and wonderful…. Because he was
hammered.)
It has been 8 days since I turned 30 and I’ve thought about what
he said every day. The life he was referring to is pretty good. LA has been
really good to me. It is a bustling, diverse, beautiful city with beautiful
weather and the beach! I have TWO local produce stores. (One is Jewish and one
is Mexican, so it really just depends on what I’m in the mood for.) I have made
so many wonderful friends. All I do is think about the many different ways I
can perform and do what I love. I dream and every day those dreams get bigger
as I surpass my own expectations. I am surrounded by the most talented people
in the world. Ok, so my day is spent slinging steaks to weirdoes, but it’s
consistent and supports me fully and is balanced out by the chances I get to go
slinging jokes to weirdoes at night. I’ve got a love and a cat and brother who keeps
having really cute babies that I can spoil. SO, I CAN’T spend my money on
traveling the world right now, or shop a ton, or buy a home, and I probably won’t
have children for a really long time, but no one has ever regretted fully
leaping off the cliff for their dreams, right? I certainly haven’t yet. And
hell, some people don’t even have time to nap! I can take as many as I want! I’ve
had the “respectable” career and the home in the suburbs and the Costco
membership…. And even though it sounds really good right now because I could
use a huge tub of pretzels and a retirement plan, I didn’t want it. I didn’t
want it so bad, that I packed up everything and left. So, I’m quitting my
bitching.
30 is good. For the last 8 days, I have truly never felt so “comfortable
in my skin.” Also, I’ve got 10 awesome years before I turn 40. That will really
suck.
